Mistake
by JustPikachu
Summary: She knew, oh yes she did. Yet, she still charged blindly at something that was never there.   He love her, yet they could never be together. Why oh why did the lord have to be so cruel?  Tsurara/Rikuo. Implied Kana/Rikuo.
1. Her Mistake

**Hmm, do readers still read the note above the actual fanfic? **

**Well, erm, I'm no big fan of Rikuo x Kana (DIEEEEEEE!-STABSTABSTABSTAB-) ahem, but seeing a distressed Tsurara and a troubled Rikuo makes me feel all giggly inside. **

**...ONTO THE FIC!**

**Disclaimers: I do not own Nurarihyon no Mago nor the characters mentioned below. **

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><p>It was a mistake.<p>

_Her_ mistake.

She shouldn't have gotten close to him. She shouldn't have care that much about him. She shouldn't have fell for him.

She shouldn't have loved him more than she should.

It was all her fault. Because of some _stupid_ mistake, she was now god damned to feel this way forever.

Tsurara _hated _this feeling. It disgusted her; it made her feel so nauseous that it caused the girl to want to puke.

It was _fucking _disgusting and she hated it with _such _a passion yet, the girl couldn't help but be more drawn to him with every passing second they spent together. Despite the after feeling of repulsiveness, there was always something about the young Nura that kept her by his side.

Was it his intoxicating scent? Perhaps it was his mesmerizing crimson orbs. Or maybe it was that mischievous yet protecting aura.

She didn't know; she didn't care.

All Tsurara knew was that no matter how hard she tried, she would always end up by his side again.

_Every damn time. _And he would flash her that same _oh-so-beautiful _smile before whispering gently into her ear, "I'll be counting on you, Tsurara."

And then she knew, oh yes, she knew that she was trapped. Trapped in his voice, his eyes, his words.

The next thing she knew, she would be fighting the demons as if her life depended on it. She fought like she's never fought before, ignoring every wound she received. She would become one with the wind as she glided and danced around with grace. And she fought and fought and fought, because in the end, Rikuo would be at the end telling her, "Thank you, Tsurara.", and that was all that matter. If it meant sacrificing her body, her life, _everything else_, just to see that beautiful smile and hear that soothing voice, she was willing. If it was for her dear Master Rikuo, nothing else matter to her.

Because she was _trapped_ in a never ending labyrinth. Everywhere she turn, she would always end up in the same place.

It hurt so _god damned_ much yet, a part of her knew she wanted to stay in this maze. A part of her knew she didn't want to leave because being in this accursed maze was one of the best thing she had ever experienced. Sure, there were the constant twist and turns but being in the labyrinth gave her a sense of security and warmth.

_She never wanted to leave._

But then came her.

_Kana. _

Oh, how Tsurara despised that name.

Tsurara may be dense but she wasn't stupid. She didn't missed those smiles (the smiles that was meant only for Tsurara, mind you.) her dear Rikuo shot at the human girl. Tsurara didn't blame him. Being the Supreme Commander of a Youkai Clan wasn't easy and sometimes, one just needs some normality in their life. For Rikuo, Kana was that normality.

However, no matter how hard Tsurara tried to convince herself it was only a silly puppy crush, she knew it was something more than that. So she made it her own personal mission to keep them as far apart as possible. Unfortunately, her fears were confirmed when Rikuo decided to bring his little friend back home and established their relationship.

Tsurara never felt more broken. She knew this day was coming but somewhere in her heart, she wanted things to stay the same forever. Her, Rikuo, and the fellow Clan members. But no, God would not have pity on this poor soul and on this day, Tsurara died.

She was forced out of the labyrinth, to be replaced by another woman. No longer were those smiles reserved for her, no longer would he be there to whisper encouraging words to her. Because he wasn't her's anymore.

And then it dawned on the Yuki-Onna.

He never was her's.

It was all her silly imaginations, her silly wants.

And this was all caused by her _silly _and _stupid _mistake, because she knew. Yet, she still charged blindly at something that was never there.

It was a mistake, indeed.

_Her mistake._

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><p><strong>Kekeke.<strong>

**Don't you just love angst?**

**Oh, and when I said, "...Tsurara died." I meant it figuratively. Just to reassure you readers out there. **

**:)  
><strong>


	2. His Mistake

**I ACTUALLY GOT REVIEWS! ;D YAYY~**

**Cristinne: Thank you for such a heart felt review and all the compliments ~ Yesh, we all dislike Kana, don't we? Grammar is a killer in my writing. OTL. **

**Missy'Cinnamon: Don't worry, there shall be some Tsurara x Rikuo moments later on. Can't leave out our favorite pairing, can we? OHOHOHO. Ahem. Anyway, I'm planning on adding two more chapters before putting it in the 'complete' section. Thanks for the review!**

**ChocoLuvr101: Well then, the director has no taste in women! -bashes Director's head- :D Thank you for reviewing!**

**Suki90: If I chose to use Yura instead of Kana, it wouldn't be exciting! :D Besides, I gave you wonderful reviewers a chance to scream at Kana. :3 Just joking ~ Kekeke. (or am I?) Thank you for that information and review!  
><strong>

**FeuWitch: Once again, colorful string of language you've got there! As stated before, this will have two more chapters before closing. ;3 Thank you for that...colorful review. ^o^**

**Thanks to all those that favorite/subscribe this sorry excuse of a writer and this fic ~ (I LOVE THAT SQUIGGLY LINE!) ~**

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own Nurarihyon no Mago nor the characters mentioned below. **  
><strong>

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><p>It was a mistake.<p>

_His_ mistake.

He shouldn't have gotten close to her. He shouldn't have care that much about her. He shouldn't have fell for her.

He shouldn't have loved her more than he should.

But he couldn't stop himself.

He wondered if she noticed that whenever he touched her, his hand would linger there for a fraction longer then it should've been. That whenever he smiled at her, his smile would get just a little bit happier, bigger, brighter. That whenever he whispered into her ears right before a battle, that those words he breathe out were only reserved for her dainty ears.

Rikuo wondered if she knew he loved her all along.

And maybe, _just maybe_ she felt the same way.

Ha! What a joke. A cruel, cruel joke. _Her?_ Liking _him?_ It was impossible. Everyone knew she only viewed him as her dear young master and a little brother who she had to take care of.

And at those thoughts, Rikuo crumbled slowly.

She was always there. Always right besides him through thick and thin. She was always the first one to comfort him whenever things go wrong. Always the first one to congratulate him whenever he completed something regardless of whether the achievement was big or small. She was always there to smile with him, cry with him, laugh with him.

It was _always_ her.

Even if he tried his very best, even if he got some crazy technology, even if he lost his memories just to forced her out of his life, she would always reappear again and again like an unwilling apparition.

There were pictures, of course. Tsurara at Rikuo's first brithday. Tsurara and Rikuo going to kindergarten together. Tsurara and Rikuo's graduation. Tsurara and Rikuo at their highschool ceremony. Tsurara and Rikuo at the Hanabi Festival. Tsurara, Rikuo, and the whole Nura Clan's family photo. Tsurara and Rikuo building a snow man and dancing in the bed sheet background. Tsurara and Rikuo sitting on the cherry blossom tree (which, by the way, was only allowed to be sat on by Rikuo and Tsurara).

Tsurara. Rikuo. Tsurara. Rikuo.

Tsurara.

Tsurara.

Tsurara.

It was always her from the start.

And then Rikuo would wondered again. How could she, a mere Yuki-Onna, have this power over him? Just the sight of her made his heart go 'thump thump' as if it would jump right out of his chest. He was addicted to the way her golden eyes would shine whenever she helped him from the smallest affairs to the biggest. The way she breathe out the spells during battles brought shivers up his spine (besides the fact that it was cold, obviously).

It was_ insanely crazy, _yet, he felt so _good, _and _satisfying._

But then everything started to come to an end. The way she would chirp, "Good morning, Master Rikuo!", became less excited. The shine in her eyes slowly disappeared. It came to the point where the Yuki-Onna just started to avoid her dear master all together.

It _killed _Rikuo. It hurt like _hell_ whenever she would shied away from him and the way she would avoid his eye drove him to the edge.

Rikuo hated this feeling. It made him feel unwanted and afraid. Did she get tired of him? Was it because he wasn't paying enough attention to her?

He hated the thought but...did she...did she _hate_ him?

He remember the day he pronounced to her, "From now on, I'll protect you, Tsurara!". He meant it. He really did. As a child, he didn't knew what that feeling was called but he knew, yes he did, that Tsurara was someone important to him. Someone irreplaceable and dear to him, therefore, he would do anything, _everything,_ in his power to protect her. He would protect her smile, and her happiness because if she was happy, then it was _all_ that matter.

But he had failed.

He had failed in protecting his flower; his fragile, fragile flower. He had kept it in a glass for too long that it began to wilt.

So he did what was best for the flower.

Rikuo let it go. He _destroyed_ the glass that kept his flower away from the world and planted it outside, hoping it may flourished once again.

But then came another flower. Her name was Kana.

She was pretty like the first bloom of spring. She smelled wonderful like the after smell of a slight drizzle. Kana was wonderful.

But she wasn't _his_ flower.

His flower was the first dropped of snow on the first day of winter. His flower smelled like a mix of cherry blossom and the fresh winter air.

Spring was nice but Winter was bewitching. Despite the freezing weather condition and piles of snow, he _felt complete_.

And then he realized the horrible reality.

His flower was _perfect_, and he had _failed_ to_ protect_ it.

Days, weeks, months passed. But his flower wasn't recovering. It continued to wilt and it's petals fell gently one by one until there was only one left.

Rikuo willed it to live, to bloom, to shine. _Anything_ to indicate that it was alright and everything was going to be okay. But as the last petal touched the snow filled ground, he knew it was over.

Everything, everything was over.

And with the flower gone, Rikuo died too.

It was a mistake, indeed.

_His mistake._

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><p><strong>TH<strong>**AT, MY FRIENDS IS CHAPTER TWO. **

**Right after I read the reviews, I got right to chapter two. OHOHOHO. :3 **

**Once again, when I said, "Rikuo died too." I meant it figuratively. **

**Now I must go and brain stormed on Chapter Three. **

**Adieu ! ~  
><strong>


	3. Selfish

**YOOO. I ISH BACKK. :D **

**Does anyone play FFX-2 here? If yes, I'm going to rant on about how miserable I am at this moment. I was unable to get a dress sphere. **

**WHICH MEANS I CAN'T GET 100% FOR THE GAME. **

**WHICH MEANS I CAN'T GET THE PERFECT ENDING.**

** WHICH MEANS MY LIFE IS OVER. **

**NUUUUUUUU. **

**-dies-**

**nightingale27: Like the bird? :D Thank you for that well thought out review! I tried to make it really depressed but with a bit of hope at the same time :) I'm glad someone saw that ^o^ Thank you for reviewing!**

**Missy'Cinnamon: Of course Rikuo cares about our favorite Yuki-Onna! (He better!) Thing is, both parties doesn't realize each others' feelings. Oh well. Thank you for reviewing again!**

**ChocoLuvr101: I'm glad you liked the previous chapter. :) SQUIGGLY LINE FTW! Thanks for your review!**

**Suki90: Don't we all? - Thank you for reviewing!**

**FeuWitch: I asked myself how I would write conclude it too and after a long time of thinking (coughnotreallycough), I've decided to go with the flow :D (Doesn't explain much, does it? xD). Wow, Kana is really hated by you reviewers LOL. Rikuo and Kana are 18 :) Thanks for the review!**

**Once again, to all those who favorite/subscribe to JustPikachu and "Mistake", THANK YOU! **

**Disclaimer: **** I do not own Nurarihyon no Mago nor the characters mentioned below. **** **

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><p>A gentle breeze blew on the huge Sakura Tree situated in the backyard of the Nura house hold. Pink petals danced and twirled towards the ground as the branches spread out majestically.<p>

It was midnight as every member of the Nura Clan was fast asleep in the comforts of their futons. However, two people managed to escaped.

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><p>Step, step, step.<p>

Tsurara walked towards the direction of her destination. The night was dead quiet as she clutched onto the spot where her heart lie. The Yuki-Onna was almost afraid the beating of her heart would wake someone up. She held her breath and continued to walk in a faster pace.

Soon enough, she reached her objective location: the Sakura Tree.

She smiled, a true smile in days as her hand touched the bark of the tree. It swayed as if to beckon her to come closer. Tsurara smiled once again and leaned her back against the bark before closing her eyes. The cool night air may have felt harsh on anyone but Tsurara _loved it_. It calmed the ice user and she felt as if all her troubles and suffering were gone. She felt...rather _free_. Her smile grew as her kimono and hair flutter with the wind as if to become one. All this recent fiasco with Kana and Rikuo tired her out and this was exactly what she needed. Maybe she needed a few days off? Yes, that might be the answer. Tsurara made a mental note to ask her dear master before luring herself back to rest until-

"Tsurara...?"

Tsurara jolt up, startled and annoyed. Who dares to ruin her-

"Oh! Rikuo-Sama! Forgive me, I didn't realized Rikuo-Sama was also resting here at this moment. I'll be retreating back then. Have a nice-"

She was promptly cut off when Rikuo jumped off from the branch and landed with the grace of a sly cat, in front of the snow woman. At his smile, all her ill feelings vanished and was replaced by a pale blush that was making its way up.

"Slow down. You can stay here. I'll go back."

The young Nura head proceeded back to the house but was stopped when he felt a pair of hand holding his arm. It didn't take a genius to figure out who it was.

At the sight of her tomato red face, he couldn't help but chuckle mentally. It was too adorable.

"I-If R-Rikuo-Sama doesn't m-mind, maybe we c-can s-share...?"

The quarter demon smirked. "Alright, _Tsurara._"

Tsurara blushed once again. Why was she acting like a high school girl for goodness sake! This was her master she was talking about. Her master who...who already has someone. A small frown appeared as her blush gradually decreased.

Both demon sat in silence, as they enjoy each others' presence and the winter air.

"So what were you doing here in the middle of the night?"

Tsurara turned your head to face the lad sitting next to her. "I could say the same thing to you, Rikuo-Sama."

Rikuo chuckled, "Touché ."

Silence bestowed them once again as Rikuo decided to do the honor and break it for the second time.

"I couldn't sleep. Too much things have happened these days and I guess I needed a break."

"Me too."

The ice user turned her attention back to the night sky. This was one of those rare occasions where a few stars were present as they lived in the city. From her point of view, it was as if a thousand diamonds were splatter against a floor of black ink. She pulled her knees against her chest and giggled to herself.

"What are you laughing at?" Rikuo questioned her with a curious look on his face.

Tsurara grinned and laid her head on her knees before turning her head sideways to face her master again. "Nothing of importance. I just suddenly remember when we use to do this all the time, back before-" She stopped herself from continuing as her smile disappeared. She looked back to the inked, never ending space.

Rikuo frowned too. He knew what she was about to say, 'back before Kana came.' He decided to keep the thought to himself and spoke up. "Yeah, those were some fun times. Remember what we used to do right after we count the stars?"

The Yuki-Onna seemed to lighten up, happy at the fact that her dear master still remembered. She shouted, "Yeah! We would dance and dance beneath this tree until the petals stop flowing down. And then-"

"And then we would fall onto the ground and laugh and laugh until we couldn't laugh no more," Rikuo finished the sentence.

Tsurara grinned and at that single moment, the sparkled that had disappeared within these few months flickered in her eyes.

Rikuo stood up and jumped off the branch. He turned around and bowed down; as he extended his hand, he asked, "May I have this dance?".

They stared at each other, Rikuo with his gentle pleading eyes and Tsurara with her astonished face. For a minute, Rikuo was about to apologize and retrieve his hand when his face was muffled with a handful of blue hair. He stumbled back a bit, but stabilized himself when his hand found their way around his companion's waist.

"...Yes."

And so the pair danced and danced, and they twirled and twirled, and they spun and spun; until they couldn't dance no more, until they couldn't twirled no more, until they couldn't spin no more, under the moonlight. And then they fell onto the petal covered ground and they laughed and laughed and they giggled and they chuckled and they were..._happy_ as they can be.

During this time, not once did their eyes left one another. They were under a spell as they were enchanted, hypnotized, bewitched.

Soon enough, the pair stopped laughing as a tiny smile graced their face. They were currently lying on the ground, bodies heaving up and down trying to catch as much air as possible. Then, as if on cue, both party's head turned to face each other simultaneously.

Crimson met gold. At this night, two heart were beating at an unbelievable pace. Then, it happened all too fast but the pair was so caught up in the moment that suddenly, somehow, someway, their lips met.

A surged of emotion swept both demon off their feet.

Tsurara's lips weren't cold like Rikuo thought (not that he ever dreamt about kissing the snow woman, of course.). They were surprisingly warm...very warm but tasted like...snow. Very curious contradiction, something only Tsurara can pull off, Rikuo thought as he slipped his tongue into the woman's mouth.

Rikuo's lips were soft and gentle. He tasted like a cup of fresh Sakura Tea with a hint of mint. It wasn't wild like Tsurara imagined but rather...soothing. Before she knew it, she was falling, falling into his embrace.

The girl gasped as she felt her master's tongue explored every space and crevice as if he had waited for this moment forever. She emitted a soft moan when he departed onto her jaw, her neck, her ear.

"Tsurara," Rikuo breathe out, "I...I...I love you. All this-"

He was cut off when the woman below him pushed him off lightly, just enough to put some distance between them. Tsurara looked up, a mix of disbelief and hope shining from her eyes.

"W-what? S-say that again." she stuttered out.

"Tsu-"

"PLEASE! SAY IT ONCE MORE!" she screamed. Tears were at the edge of her eyes threatening to decorated her pale face. "Please...just...just once more. Say it again for me, Rikuo."

The young Nura smiled as his own set of tears also showed up. "I love you, Tsurara. All this time, all these years, I've loved you. Just words alone won't be enough to explain the feelings I hold for you. You shined brighter than any star in the sky but every time I got near you, the shine slowly disappearing. Every time I got near you, you always seemed so sad, so sorrowful and it hurt so _damn_ much to see the person I love act this way because of me. So I decided to use Kana to get rid of this feeling. Call it dirty but I just couldn't stand the pain anymore because even after Kana, the feelings kept on returning time after time with only a glance from you."

He paused. A tear fell.

"Do you know, my dear Yuki-Onna...? How hard it is to refrain yourself from touching someone you love who's within arm's length? How hard it is not to comfort and help that person when they're feeling down? Do you know how hard it is to have someone you can't have? Do you know, Tsurara?"

A sob escaped from the woman in front of Rikuo. "Baka."

Rikuo chuckled. "Yeah, I'm one heck of a idiot, alright."

"BAKA!"

Rikuo looked at the Yuki-Onna suprised.

"BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! Do you know how long I've been waiting to hear those words! Rikuo-Sama, you baka!"

And then she cried and cried and cried because, _oh god_, it felt so _good_ to hear the words coming from his lips. She was so..._glad._

Gently, as if he was handling a new born baby, he wiped the tears from her eyes and hugged her with the most care he could muster out. Because here she was, his Yuki-Onna.

She returned the hug and continued to sob into his shoulders because _screw everything. _

The same thing was going through both Rikuo and Tsurara's head.

_Screw everything. To hell with everything. _

_Just plain, fuck, everything because at this moment it was only Rikuo and Tsurara. Tsurara and Rikuo. No Kana, no unrequited love, no nothing. Only them alone in their world. _

They sat in silence as the same thought ran through their head.

'Please, just this one night, one night of selfishness, Kami-Sama,' they both thought because they knew, oh they knew, that by tomorrow morning, there will be no more Rikuo and Tsurara.

No more Tsurara and Rikuo.

They both established the fact that Rikuo couldn't leave Kana. Not right after all she's been through for him, therefore, Tsurara will become the brave one, the selfless one for the sake of both of them.

And then everything will be over between them.

Tomorrow, Tsurara would go back to addressing Rikuo as Rikuo-Sama, and Rikuo will continue his duty as a loyal boyfriend for Kana because this was the price they pay for their night of selfishness.

Tsurara stood up, and Rikuo followed her action.

She faced her love's direction and smiled. The smile that was only reserve for him and only him. The moon's light seemed to illuminated the couple as the petals began to fall once again.

"Rikuo," she began. "Thank you. Thank you for looking out for me, thank you for caring for me, thank you for everything tonight and most of all...thank you for loving me. As long as this Yuki-Onna's heart beat, I will continue to love you."

She stuttered as she begged for the tears to stop but they continued to flow like a never ending waterfall. Rikuo stepped forward, as if to comfort her but she stopped him with her arm. Yet, she continued to smile because Rikuo wouldn't like her cry-baby face. Yes, this was all for Rikuo.

"Thank you for everything, Rikuo." With that said, she gave him a light peck on the lips, lingering for a moment before running away to the safety of her room. She won't turn back, she didn't want to. If she did, she was sure she would break down and tell Rikuo not to go to that woman and stay with her forever and ever. But she wouldn't because she shouldn't make it hard for her dear master.

Because love was_ selfless._

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><p>Rikuo watched as the blue haired figure disappeared into the darkness. He wanted to stop her, to hold her, to tell her not to leave but as if his foot was glued to the ground, his body won't move.<p>

He felled onto his knees and with all the energy he had, he screamed towards the sky. Cursing the lord for being so cruel, cursing his life. Little white treasures fell from the heaven skies as if to taunt the future Supreme Commander.

"Hey, Tsurara...it's snowing." he whispered out loud before clutching himself to stop the pain.

Yes, love was indeed selfless.

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><p>Once back in her room, Tsurara closed her door and fell onto the floor. She clutched her heart in pain because it <em>burns, it burns so bad.<em>

"Rikuo, Rikuo, Rikuo," she repeated constantly as she sobbed and cried and screamed.

A single Sakura petal caught her attention as it had caught itself on her sleeves from before. She looked out the window and forced a grin.

"It's snowing...Rikuo, can you see it's snowing right now?"

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><p><strong>AND I AM FINISHEDDDD. <strong>

**Goodness, that was so hard to write especially Rikuo's confession scene. -cringes- **

**-shoots self for writing something so cheesy- AND GOODNESS GRACIOUS, THEY WERE SO OOC. EWWW. D; **

**Thank you for everyone who had commented and alerted and favorite JustPikachu and "Mistake" within these three chapters! **

**Until then!**

**Adieu ~  
><strong>


	4. Mistake  Review

DAY, JUNE 27, 2011 AT 1:38 PM

MISTAKE.

story title → Mistake.  
>story author → JustPikachu.<br>reviewer → minminXP

exquisite © 2011 | all rights reserved.  
>.nr

Title: 7/10

It fits the plot well, but isn't the plot speaking of a misunderstanding more than a mistake?

Your characters cleared up the mistake in the end, so the title doesn't really fit the other chapters. Your title has become obsolete for the other chapters.

Storyline: 12/20

The storyline seems to be just about love triangles and the longing of being together. Maybe if you'd just add in something a little more action-based? Cheesy moments do not make up an entire story. Try adding a little more substance into the overall plot. And do put a background into the story. For people like me who have absolutely no idea about the characters, it gets confusing when you refer to them with Japanese terms.

If possible, elaborate on these things. Such as, what kind of clan are they? Readers have no idea whether the characters are good or bad people.

Appearance: 3/5

You have no graphics, so it gets a bit plain. Perhaps you might want to request for a graphic at some site? Your paragraphs are pretty neat and well-organised, not to mention that your grammar is pretty good compared to some of the writers out there. Do keep in mind that if you want to keep it a G rated story, do not put in strong swear words. Perhaps you might want to change it to PG? Cause I hate to see what would happen to little kids who read this.

Writing Style: 8/10

Your writing style is pretty impressive. You manage to describe each character's feelings in detail. However, do take note that readers get bored if they read too much of something that's just describing one particular feeling. Keep things short and sweet, in order to be able to keep your readers' attention.

Characterization: 7/10

There's not much of a character development to be seen in the story, since it's so short. But you have managed to set the relationship between the 2 main characters pretty clearly, and that's good because it doesn't confuse readers.

Story Flow: 7/10

So far, all your story has talked about is the love triangle between your three characters, and the feelings that they have for each other. Do keep in mind that people like a little bit of action in their stories, and do not harp on the same problem throughout the story.

Change the situation a little here and there, and present your characters with new problems. After all, you don't want your story to become stagnant, do you?

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: 8/10  
>Your GPS has been pretty good, except for the occasional slip-up.<p>

For example: Yeah, I'm one heck of a idiot, alright.

It should be: Yeah, I'm one heck of an idiot, all right.

But overall, your GPS is pretty consistent.

Creativity and Originality: 6/15

I'm sorry to say that I found your story a little too clichéd. You started off with a love triangle, which is fine, but is always present in many other stories. Since you have not added in any other elements to your story, I had to judge your creativity on that. And that earned you a lower score.

The way you used symbolism in your story gained you a few points, though. I liked the way you referred to the female characters as flowers. That added in a little spice to the story.

Remember to add in other details and do not be afraid to experiment with new ideas. The more unusual, the better. Readers' interest will be piqued and they will continue reading your story. Do not be afraid to break away from the norm.

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

Overall, the story was good, albeit a little clichéd.

Sub-Total: 65/100

Bonus: 2/5  
>For having put in a lot of effort to relate the character's emotions<p>

Total: 67/100

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>Thank you, minminXP, for the honest review. ;3<p><p> 


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